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@ <$BLOGDATEHEADER$>

Merry christmas.

It's a merry christmas isn't it?
But i feel so empty
It's so unbearable.
There's a illness that i got.
That any doctors can't cure .
that's a fight i must fight on.
it's my heart problem ,
my heart is lost.
it followed someone home.

A waall is between my heart and my mind.
they are contridicting,
my heart said that i love you .
my mind told me to let go of her.

i tried to reach out my hand but she turn and walked off.
in the midst of recovering from this heart break ,
i realised that you were feeling down .
i tried to comfort you but
"it's alright , i'm alright " you said.
I could see the tears in your eyes .
i wanted to hold you in my arms , wanting to comfort you.
But in my heart i knew , you would just push me away

you , kept crying for him .
he was never there for you .
but i'm here
everytime you felt unhappy or sad
i would call to comfort you .
to comfort you throughh the nights
to the morning.

This christmas.
he's probably playing with some other girls by now ,
you knew that
but you chose to be ignorant about it .
He was the cause of the tears
i however was man who stood by your side .
could you look at me for once ?

you told me that this christmas is the worst ,
without himby yourside .
But , what about me ?
you are right beside me ,
but i can't hold you ,
i can't tell you how much i love you .
i held back my feelings .
i had felt even more miserable.

did you remeber the time that i was with you ?
the time in which i always liked to stand in the rain .
did you knew the reason for that childish act of mine ?
it's because i do not want you to see these tears ,
let it flow away with the rain .
the tears for the irony that you were mine , but your heart was not .

when ever i think of it
i would sit in one corner and be feel miserable.
and yes , i was upset.
upset of life , upset by love.

To me :
Love is a unexpected tormenter .
a torturer , a monster , a undead.
But it was a gift , a cosy blanket , a pustoy , a game , a memory.
so brittle and gentle .

but it felt onto the ground and was smashed into pieces .
i tried to glue it back.
when ever i tried to pick the pieces up , it would scar my fingers
this immerse pain never felt evenmore wonderfull .
yet in this pain i felt the bitterness of my heart.
the pain , so unbearable yet it was like heroin
so addictive.

These broken pieces , was incomplete .
Like my heart .
it was smashed into bits.
Every piece of it contained my deepest happiness.

So , i shall forsake this heart that was damaged .

when i have decided to continue my life ,
and to find a new heart ,
i've came to realised that the heart was out of stock.
so i lived on , without one

hope*